By Esther Hurlburt
Create … Culture…Care…These are pretty heavy-duty concepts.
In short, whenf these three “C” words were indeed knit together you
end up with “Community.” Unfortunately, it’s just not that easy to
create a culture of care…so before we go too much further, lets take
a closer look at each of the three C’s.
Let’s start with CARE. Care is both a noun and a verb….something
we give and receive and something we do. I perused the thesaurus and
came up with these synonyms for care.
· If we look a the nouns, we see that it is possible to be in
the care of someone, that is to be in custody or to be supervised,
protected or even controlled. Hmmm…I’m not sure I want to be in
the care of someone if I am to be controlled or supervised. I’m not
sure I prefer to be in custody of someone else. Although if there
ever comes a time when I can no longer care for myself, I hope the
care I receive is given with compassion.
· Care can also be synonymous with attention, precision, or
concentration. Or, it can mean that something is done with intention.
Now…I can handle this definition. I want someone to pay close
attention to my needs. I want someone to be intentionally good to me,
to look out for me…to know I exist. The opposite of this definition
of care is neglect. No…I do not want to be neglected, but neither
do I want to be controlled. I want to be treated with compassion.
· Yet another definition of care is trouble, problem, or
concern. Something that causes anxiety, or is a burden.
Hmmmm….this brings up the interesting paradox in the saying, “He
didn’t have a care in the world.”
This reminds me of the bumper sticker that says, “If you’re not
outraged, you’re not paying attention!” Indeed, it would be terrific
not to have a care in the world, but I’d have to be brain-dead to
achieve this status.
So, while a person might not have a burden or care…but he may cause
a burden or care!
· Then, of course, care also means treatment, as in nursing
care, or a way or nurturing or tending to something. Mabe care is
something painful but given for my own good…and this is okay too as
long as it is done with compassion.
· We also say, “Take care!” Here, I think we mean to be
careful, to be sensitive, to give thought to something…like the well
being of someone else. And closely related is the verb…care meaning
something we do, like be concerned, or worry, or be bothered. Now
we’re getting closer. Take care…be intentional…be thoughtful…be
aware!
It’s confusing really. What is it about care?
I was startled, actually, when I took a hard look at how the
word care is “typically” defined. The definitions seemed
well…lopsided. I perceived care as isolated acts of either giving
care or as an isolated act of receiving care. But…there is a big
space in-between the giving and the receiving. So, given that I’m a
minister, I pondered the theological meaning of the word care. I
began to think that care should be defined in terms of compassion,
solidarity and understanding, and empathy. And it is here…with
words like compassion, solidarity and empathy that the lopsided-ness
is corrected and the void between the act of giving care and the act
of receiving of care is narrowed.
When we talk about care in relational terms, we are more apt to think
of community…a with-ness or commonness of goals in the creation of a
culture of care.
If we think about care in these relational terms …we think less
about caring about someone or something and we think more in terms
about caring with someone. We think in terms of sharing…so that
obligations, burdens, and problems are not carried by a just one
person or a few people…but the responsibility is shared within the
entire community! And when we think about sharing, we know that
care is not limited to burdens and problems. Care then is also
extended to all life experience, just as joys and celebrations!
So…with compassion, solidarity and empathy in mind, let’s turn to
the concept of culture. The word culture also has many contexts,
but all of them relate to community….One person cannot be a culture,
but culture grows out of community life. When we think of culture we
think of civilization, of tradition, of customs, and ways of life.
Our Unitarian Universalist culture is, I believe, a culture of
interdependence. At least we say we promise to “Respect for the
interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.” But…do
we really know what interdependence means? Do we know what it means
to embrace interdependence? Ahh….respect is one of those
relational words…to treat with compassion means to treat with
respect. It is important that we do understand this culture because
it is indeed part and parcel of what it means to be a Unitarian
Universalist.
The best definition of inter-dependence I have encounters is “a love
of mutual regard.” Interdependence is a give and take…a community
of shared concern. In light of the potential for abuse of power over
any one person or group of people, a warning regarding the model of
interdependence is warranted. Interdependence does not mean that all
individuality is forsaken nor does it call for total self-sacrifice.
The focus of inter-dependence is on teamwork, so to speak. The
interdependent model depends on being in solidarity, being
compassionate, and being respectful of the needs of others who live
within our Web, while at the same time interdependence allows each
individual to claim their own needs and seek assistance.
Interdependence calls for relationships based on an “ethic of mutual
regard” in which “the self and other are taken with equal
seriousness.”[1] There is nothing wrong with loving oneself and
claiming one’s own needs. Interdependence means we love and respect
our individual selves while at the same time we respect the other
person. So indeed, caring does not mean self-sacrifice. But…it
does call for compromise between oneself and other so that all needs
are met! It is here perhaps that UUism differs from some other
religions…there is not need for martyrdom, no need for complete
emptying out of oneself…no need for wearing hair shirts.
Therefore, problems, joys, and concerns, of any individual are shared
by both the caregiver and the care receiver. Inter-dependence is not
about one individual, but about individuals. It’s not about me or
them… it’s about us.
Living in the web means that there is no primary caregiver, but an
assembly of caregivers. Not one…many…shared responsibility.
Mutuality…a love of mutual regard, so that everyone’s needs are met!
An inter-dependent culture calls for mutual accountability. The
integrity of the web is maintained when humans help each other survive
through relational behaviors such as love, respect, and forgiveness.
Ahh…. love, respect, forgiveness are all manifestations of care!
Unitarian Universalist process theologian Charles Hartshorne said that
inter-dependence is the ideal because “the significance of others’
joys and sorrows is the same as the final significance of our own. joy
and sorrow.” So…within the web…it is not just about the
other…it is about all of us!
Albeit counter-intuitive, when people give of themselves, even if
their actions might not appear to directly benefit themselves, their
lives are transformed. That is, when we relate to each other with a
sense of love, respect, and forgiveness, our individual lives are
improved.
Therefore, giving and receiving acts of love, justice, and forgiveness
benefits the one who gives as much as it benefits the one who
receives. As people, either individually or collectively,
intentionally choose to improve the world through acts of justice,
they too are changed.
So….Ideally, the interdependent web is one in which all
strands of the web are strong and vital; thus the interdependent web
is not just a place, it is an ideal model where all of humanity
experiences justice and equality. Our Unitarian Universalist theology
suggests that an interdependent community is the totality of ”the
individual person, and the community of persons in harmony with each
other, the world around us, and the spirit of life itself.”
So what does an interdependent culture look like? Well…my vision is
this: We Unitarian Universalists do not talk about just any
community. We strive for a democratic community where justice and
equity reign.
And, if we are truly optimistic and live out the gospel of hope, we
live not from the perspective of how things are…but the way things
could be … if only people cared…if only people were in solidarity.
We don’t want a plain old community…but strive for the Beloved
Community.
Did you know that it was Josiah Royce, a late 19th century
philosopher and theologian, who had strong ties to Unitarianism who
coined the term beloved community? Royce said that the beloved
community was an ideal, but that it would also call for all
participants to “be fully dedicated to the cause of loyalty, truth and
reality itself.” [2]
So…how do we get there? Keeping in mind that care in the context
of compassion, solidarity and empathy and keeping in mind the
principles of inter-dependence, how do we create…or revision…a
culture of care?
I purposely used the word creating…not the world a creation… a
culture of care. Indeed, we are always in process. Theologically, I
believe caring is never a done deal, but a means of transformation. .
First, I think it is necessary that we RE-vision…or not lose sight
of the vision that our interdependent web, when lived out of the
Gospel of Hope, can be transformed into the Beloved Community. It
was Martin Luther King Jr. who talked about the Beloved Community, not
as some type of “Utopian” goal to be realized, but more of a “global
vision” in which justice prevails
throughout the world because an “all-inclusive spirit of sisterhood and
brotherhood would prevail.”[3]
While the Beloved Community is one that transcends reality, it is an
ideal community can be realized we if hang onto hope and make the
intentional choice to make it reality.
So…Heretics that we are, we make this intentional choice to engage
the vision. So, if we choose a culture of living within the
interdependent web, then we must choose knowing full well that humans
depend on each other to maintain the integrity of our interdependent
web.
Thomas Merton would say that interdependence is based on the reality
that all humans on earth have something in common, and that one
commonality is the will to survive.
So…if we hang on to the gospel of hope, we maintain the power of
human possibility. We are endowed, I believe, to engage our inherent
creative powers, and when we intentionally do so, it is possible to
realize a Beloved Community. And, through such ritual of intentional
practice we find grace and we save not only our individual selves, but
all of creation. It’s essential, I believe to remember that living
out the gospel of hope means that we are not passive. Hope requires
human intention. Hope requires taking a risk! The Gospel of Hope is
not a conventional gospel of saving individuals. The Gospel of Hope
is about saving the world. In a truly interdependent community, the
Gospel of Hope shows us and challenges us to engage the inexplicable
possibilities that when individuals claim and practice creative power
by loving their neighbor, they save not only each other but also
themselves.
Step two in the transformation of creating a culture of care is giving
up the notion that creating a culture of care is the work of a
committee! How many congregations have “caring committees?” A
culture of care goes far beyond making a casserole or giving a
sympathy card. If we are to sustain a global vision, then the work of
caring is not delegated to the work of a few…but to all of us! In
order to create a culture of care within any congregation we must
begin to think of caring not as committee work, but as a global
ministry itself.
As we just read, Mark Morrison-Reed reminds us that such ministry
requires that we model and teach so that within interdependent
relationships “we are not struggling for justice on our own, but as
members of a larger community.”[4] Indeed, such ministry to create a
culture of care is something we do together for each other and for the
world.
So…what next…what can we model and teach?
Well…for one thing, I think we can start right here in this place.
We can indeed start in this little culture of our own congregation.
Any act of care…any act…makes a difference. I used to tell the
women in jail that any act of kindness that they did to a cell mate
did not stay put in the jail cell, but the essence of care and
compassion leaked through the cracks of between the steel doors and
affected the whole world. Of course we need to engage our ministry
outside these walls…but this is the place to start! We start by
learning what our own Unitarian Universalist theology has to say about
how we live in this world.
And…I think we need to remind ourselves of our obligations and
responsibilities. This happens in one of two ways. In an
interdependent model we do not promote either total dependence or
worse yet,
co-dependence. Ideally, we strive to strike a balance so that the
needs of the caregiver and the care-receiver are realized.
One way is to appreciate and have sincere empathy for any and all
caregivers! Last month, I so appreciated Joan Boewe’s admonition to
you that it is our responsibility to help her take care of her
husband. Think of a second: Our responsibility. Response-ability.
What is our response…what are we able to do? What are we willing to
do? I think this admonition took great courage…to acknowledge her
own needs and place them right here in front of us. And…it’s just
not Joan’s need…but the needs of ALL caregivers, that they not face
care giving by themselves. We must be in solidarity with all
caregivers and help each other. Care giving should not be a lonely
isolated task but a communal effort of not a primary caregiver, but an
assembly of caregivers.
But…a model of inter-dependence means that the care-receivers also
participate in this “love of mutual regard.” This means we, when we
require help, that we be grateful and gracious…and that we give back
when we are able. That we extend the same courtesy back to the
caregiver…to keep in mind the needs of the caregiver. Gratitude and
graciousness go a long way in this model. Being a gracious care
receiver means we that while we should legitimately expect help, that
we do not take more than what we need or that we become selfish to the
point that we have forsaken our role of mutual responsibility. While
it is everyone’s right to be care for with compassion, so is it the
right of the caregiver to be respected!
What I say next is also vital to living in our web. The model of
interdependence means that we also care for ourselves. It is indeed a
paradox, and I often remind some of my elderly clients that they will
remain independent if they accept help from time to time.
Indeed, when we fail to accept help we can become more of a burden.
And…in terms of responsibility….it is essential to minimize
concerns and worries others have for us. Part of giving back means
that we care for ourselves so those who love us do not spend energy
worrying and fretting about us. Thus, accepting help is as important
as giving it.
Finally…and perhaps this is the hardest part…while interdependence
is a love of mutual regard…it does not always mean equal. It does
not mean that we give equally at any give time or that we receive the
same rewards for equal effort. Nor does it mean we become martyrs or
that we can become completely selfish and demand what we do not
require.
There is a good deal of truth to the little song, “From you I receive
to you I give, together we share and from this we live.”
In short…the short version of the meaning and living out of a
culture of care…a culture of interdependence… means we treat each
other as we would wish to be treated. We live into and out of a
culture of care in which know that we are not alone, but that we are
in solidarity with each other. We live in a culture where we ignite
the Power of Care so that no hearts will ache in silence and no hands
will work unaided. It means we love each other as we love ourselves.
It means we allow ourselves to love ourselves and to ask as though it
will be given, that with hope, our own needs and the needs of all
others will be met.
Amen.
